{"id":11990,"date":"2010-10-29T12:38:11","date_gmt":"2010-10-29T17:38:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/?p=11990"},"modified":"2010-10-29T12:41:21","modified_gmt":"2010-10-29T17:41:21","slug":"the-modern-prometheus-a-halloween-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/2010\/10\/the-modern-prometheus-a-halloween-story\/","title":{"rendered":"The Modern Prometheus: A Halloween Story"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a><\/a>\"\"<\/a>It’s Halloween.\u00a0 Time for my annual attempt at political satire (see last year’s effort here<\/a>).\u00a0 Apologies to Mary Shelly, Monty Python and Buck Henry.<\/em><\/p>\n

Setting: A laboratory located in a decrepit castle in Eastern Europe.\u00a0 Test tubes and electrical transformers fill the room.\u00a0 Outside, a thunderstorm rages.\u00a0 The year is 1789.<\/em><\/p>\n

Dr. Madison: It’s alive!\u00a0 It’s alive!\u00a0 They all called me “mad,” but I have done what no man has done before!<\/p>\n

Igor: Master, what is this creature?<\/p>\n

Dr. Madison: I have transplanted the brain of John Locke into the body of the Magna Carta.\u00a0 I engrafted bits and pieces of Montesquieu, and gave the body a transfusion of Polybius’ treatise on the Roman Empire.\u00a0 Then, I immersed the body in a vat of the Iroquois Constitution and applied a charge of electricity.\u00a0 And it lives!\u00a0 This is a great day!<\/p>\n

Igor (looking out the window):<\/em> I don’t think everyone agrees with you.<\/p>\n

A large mob of men carrying torches bursts into the laboratory.\u00a0 They are dressed in simple peasant attire except, oddly, all are wearing safety goggles.<\/em><\/p>\n

Peasant Number 1: There it is boys!\u00a0 Kill it!\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

Dr. Madison: Destroy my creation?\u00a0 Why?<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 1: Your creature is bleeding\u00a0our poor village\u00a0dry.\u00a0 It taxes everything we have, and it will continue to tax our children and our children\u2019s children.<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 2: And our children\u2019s children\u2019s children.<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 1: What?<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 2: And our children’s children’s children.<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 1: Don’t belabor the point. And what has it ever given us in return<\/em>?<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 2: Rural electrification.<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 1: Oh yeah, yeah it\u00a0gave us that. Yeah. That’s true.<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 3: And the Centers for Disease Control to maintain public health.<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 2: Oh yes… controlling infectious diseases. That\u2019s a good thing.<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 1: All right, I’ll grant you that rural electrification and the CDC are two positive things that the creature\u00a0has done…<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 2: And the interstate highway system…<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 1 (sharply):<\/em> Well yes obviously<\/em> the interstate highway… the roads go without saying. But apart from rural electrification, the CDC, and the roads…<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 3: The G.I. Bill …<\/p>\n

Other Voices in the Crowd: Social Security … NASA Technology… University Research…<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 2: And national security. <\/em><\/p>\n

Peasant Number 1: All right… all right… but apart from rural electrification, the CDC, the interstate highways, the G.I. Bill, Social Security, NASA technology, university research and national security … what has<\/em> the creature\u00a0done for us<\/em>?<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 3: The Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act!<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 1 (very angry)<\/em>: What!? Oh… (scornfully)<\/em> civil rights … shut up!\u00a0 It’s time we got up off our butts and took back our village!<\/p>\n

The peasants begin torching the laboratory.\u00a0 Flames spread as the equipment crashes to the floor.<\/em>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dr. Madison: You can’t destroy my creation! You need him.\u00a0 What will you replace it\u00a0with?<\/p>\n

Peasant Number1:\u00a0 What will we replace it with?\u00a0 You want to know what we will replace it with?<\/p>\n

Dr. Madison: Yes, sir.<\/p>\n

Peasant Number 1: Just one word. Plastics.<\/p>\n

Cue dramatic music.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s Halloween.\u00a0 Time for my annual attempt at political satire (see last year’s effort here).\u00a0 Apologies to Mary Shelly, Monty Python and Buck Henry. Setting: A laboratory located in a decrepit castle in Eastern Europe.\u00a0 Test tubes and electrical transformers fill the room.\u00a0 Outside, a thunderstorm rages.\u00a0 The year is 1789. Dr. Madison: It’s alive!\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ocean_post_layout":"","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"","ocean_second_sidebar":"","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"","ocean_custom_header_template":"","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"","ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"on","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[44],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11990","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-political-processes-rhetoric","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11990","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/16"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11990"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11990\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11990"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11990"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11990"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}