{"id":12134,"date":"2010-11-10T22:39:34","date_gmt":"2010-11-11T03:39:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/?p=12134"},"modified":"2010-11-10T22:40:09","modified_gmt":"2010-11-11T03:40:09","slug":"can-you-grow-from-a-%e2%80%9cno%e2%80%9d","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/2010\/11\/can-you-grow-from-a-%e2%80%9cno%e2%80%9d\/","title":{"rendered":"Can You Grow From a \u201cNo\u201d?"},"content":{"rendered":"

On occasion, my brother-in-law and I get to thinking about the same topic.\u00a0 His venue\u00a0is a weekly sermon often linked to the Torah portion, while mine is\u00a0the classroom and the blog.\u00a0 I had much fun talking with him last week as he wrote his sermon \u201cCan You Grow From a No?\u201d\u00a0 and I am delighted to link to his full sermon <\/a>from two weeks ago\u00a0in which I am the obliquely-referenced sister-in-law.\u00a0 As he said,<\/p>\n

To be human is to be in constant negotiation with other people, and those negotiations will either end in \u201cyesses\u201d or in \u201cno\u2019s.\u201d And because we have needs, because we know what we think we want, because we are vain and have egos, we want those exchanges to end with a \u201cyes.\u201d We want our cravings to be met, our opinions proven true and our positions affirmed. A \u201cyes\u201d brings satisfaction. Our will has prevailed, our efforts have paid off, our selves have been validated. A \u201cyes\u201d means we were right.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo\u2019s\u201d are less fun. \u201cNo\u2019s\u201d signal defeat. When someone tells us \u201cno,\u201d we feel a little piece of us die. We are bruised and we are hurt, diminished in the eyes of others and in our own eyes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

<\/p>\n

But here is the thing. Since our lives are filled with negotiation, we all know that \u201cno\u2019s\u201d await us all; they lurk right around the corner for each of us. So the question isn\u2019t how to avoid them; they are inevitable. The question is, how do we respond to them when they happen? Which leads us back to my original question: \u201cCan you grow from a \u2018no?’\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Both of our answers are\u00a0undoubtedly\u00a0“yes,\u201d\u00a0and his sermon is quite eloquent in all the ways that hearing \u201cno\u201d can make us stronger.\u00a0 As for me, I would argue that negotiation theory shows us the\u00a0usefulness of hearing \u201cno.\u201d\u00a0 No\u2019s can make us more creative, no\u2019s can make us step back and rethink, no\u2019s can enourage us to bring in other opinions about how to get something done.\u00a0 I truly believe that the most effective negotiators not only know how to get to yes, they realize that the pathway to yes might be strewn with no\u2019s along the way.<\/p>\n

Cross posted at Indisputably<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

On occasion, my brother-in-law and I get to thinking about the same topic.\u00a0 His venue\u00a0is a weekly sermon often linked to the Torah portion, while mine is\u00a0the classroom and the blog.\u00a0 I had much fun talking with him last week as he wrote his sermon \u201cCan You Grow From a No?\u201d\u00a0 and I am delighted […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ocean_post_layout":"","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"","ocean_second_sidebar":"","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"","ocean_custom_header_template":"","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"","ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"on","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[87],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12134","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-negotiation","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12134","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12134"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12134\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12134"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12134"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/law.marquette.edu\/facultyblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12134"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}