My Zombie President: A Halloween Story

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ZOMBIELAND“More coffee dear?”

 “Hmm? Oh, yes please.  Did you see this story in the newspaper?  The Zombie Party has come out in favor of the President’s health reform plan.”

 “Isn’t that good?  I thought that you were in favor of health reform.”

 “I am, but I don’t trust these Zombies.  They are not rational.  You can’t talk to them.  Have you seen the television footage of those town hall meetings?  It’s just a sea of screaming faces.  The raw emotion of these Zombies is terrifying.”

 “So why is the Zombie Party supporting health care reform?”

“The story says that they will support the plan if the Democrats put the ‘death panel’ provisions back in.  It seems that Zombies favor ‘end of life planning,’ although for some reason their representatives in Congress keep referring to it as ‘planning for the end of life.’  I just don’t trust these Zombies.”

“Why not?  The President has said that he is open to including reform ideas from across the ideological spectrum.  This could be a good first step.”

“He’s your President, not mine.  The President is a Zombie himself.  He was full of promises during the campaign, but what has he accomplished since?”

“Well for one, his election inspired Zombies across the country.  This is the first time our country has elected a Zombie President, after all.  And he has had some great foreign policy successes.”

 “He ripped the arm off of the French Prime Minister!”

 “I know.  It’s about time we stood up to the French.”

 “I still say he’s not a legitimate President.  He’s undead.”

 “There you go again.  There is nothing in the Constitution that says that the President has to be alive.”

“Do you really believe that the Framers foresaw that a meteor containing a mutant virus would strike the United States and turn dead people into Zombies?”

 “I saw a professor on Fox News who said that John Jay was a closet Zombie.”

 “I warned you about watching that channel.”

 “I’m surprised you don’t like the President.  He supports immigration reform, doesn’t he?  You favor that.”

 “(sigh) You’re right.  I do like the fact that the President has called for a bill that would create more visas for unskilled workers from Mexico.  But I don’t understand why he said ‘especially the plump ones.’”

 “See.  We can agree on some things.  Let’s just say that everyone, even a Zombie, is entitled to a political opinion.  There is too much partisan fighting going on in our society.”

 “I can’t argue with that.  I certainly don’t want to fight with you.  Especially when I see the way you look at me.  I just melt.”

 “That’s because I could eat you up, I love you so.  Here.  Have another jelly donut.”

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