Parking Attendant: I’m sorry, but you will have to back up your car. The parking structure is full.
Faculty Member: I can see past the gate. There are plenty of empty spots.
Parking Attendant: Those spots are reserved for faculty and students only.
Faculty Member: But I have been on the faculty for 26 years.
Parking Attendant: My apologies. I didn’t recognize you. However, those spots are reserved for today’s On the Issues with Mike Gousha. He is interviewing the author of the book “Trump Bad: How to Sell Your Book By Using Trump’s Name in the Title.”
Faculty Member: I happen to know that that event is tomorrow.
Parking Attendant: My mistake. Today those spots are reserved for people attending Charles Franklin’s press conference. He has new poll results: “Public Support for Cheese Curds Reaches Record Low in Wisconsin.”
Faculty Member: I think that you made that up.
Parking Attendant: I did. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that. But the parking structure is closed today to accommodate the attendees of the National Sports Law Institute conference: “Milwaukee Brewers Pitching: Criminally Bad or a Crime Against Humanity?”
Faculty Member: Look, do you actually have any parking spaces in this building. I’ve never actually gotten inside of the parking structure.
Parking Attendant: Of course we have parking. We have over 150 parking spots conveniently located on two levels inside of the law school building.
Faculty Member: May I please park inside and see for myself?
Parking Attendant: No. I’m sorry. Normally I would let you, but all of the parking spots are on vacation this week. Please come back next week.
Faculty Member: That doesn’t even make sense.
Parking Attendant: You’re right. I shouldn’t have said that. But the parking structure is closed today for private events. The Meyerowitz Bar Mitzvah has reserved level one and the Henderson-Martinez Wedding has reserved level two.
Faculty Member: There really isn’t any parking available in this building, is there?
Parking Attendant: What? Of course there is. We have plenty of parking spots. Yes. . . No. No we don’t. There is actually no parking at all. You caught me. There never has been any parking in this building. It’s all an elaborate charade. I am so sorry for wasting your time.
Faculty Member: That explains everything. Thank you for being honest with me. Somehow, giving up the hope of one day finding a parking spot in the building is oddly comforting. I feel better now. Thank you and have a great day.
Backs car out and pulls away.